After reading The Atlantic’s article “A Christian Alternative to Health Insurance”, I was inspired to fix the story of the Good Samaritan for Jesus. Clearly Jesus needed a biblical worldview class or two.
Behold, a certain lawyer stood up, and tempted Jesus, saying, “Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?”
Jesus said unto him, “What is written in the law? how readest thou?”
And he answering said, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.”
And Jesus said unto him, “Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live.”
But he, willing to justify himself, said unto Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
And Jesus answering said, “A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead.
“And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side.
“And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side.
“But a certain Samaritan Ministries executive, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him,
“And went to him, and was about to bind up his wounds, bring him to an inn, and take care of him. But first he had to ask him a few questions: ‘Art thine wounds, wounded traveler, from a pre-existing condition?’
“‘Right, let us skipest that question for now. Moving on: Art thou, wounded traveler, a Christian?’
“‘Verily,’ replied the man, coughing up blood. ‘Please, I beg thou to helpest me.’
“‘Verily I hope to be able! But first, another question: Art thou an active member of a church for whom a credible pastor will vouch?’
“‘Verily, again,’ replied the man, coughing up even more blood. The blood began pooling around his head. ‘Please, I beg though to helpest me. I am dying.’
“‘Verily I hope to be able! But remember: God is the only adequate Provider for every need we havest. One more question, brother: Art thou… a gay?’
“‘Verily,’ replied the man, who had very little blood left to cough up. ‘Please,’ he said, beginning to convulse with the spasms of impending death, ‘I beg thou to helpest me.’
“‘Ah……..’ replied the man. ‘Sorry to have bothered you.’ And thus the good Samaritan Ministries executive departed, giving the bandages and inn money instead to a very straight person.”
“Which now of these three,” Jesus asked the lawyer, “thinkest thou, was a righteous neighbor?”
And the lawyer said, “He that shewed mercy on him who thinks and acts only like himself.” Then said Jesus unto him, “Go, and do thou likewise.”